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The Bubble Saxophone and the Hoarder

11/26/2011

I had a bubble saxophone when I was much younger. At the time, I played it (well, played with it) with childhood abandon and was completely oblivious as to how cool it was.

Fickle as my childhood affections were, I soon moved from this amazing plaything on to another trinket and never noticed it vanish from my life.Β It was only yesterday, a decade later, when I remembered that it had even existed.Β I don’t know what happened to it, and that makes me very sad. I presume that my mother boxed it away in the attic with all the other toys of my early life.

As someone trapped (enjoyably) in a perpetual childhood, I do and always have had a soft spot for toys. It sounds stupid and embarrassing but I feel that they must have feelings – even those without faces or bodies, like bouncy balls. I am also a hoarder so this does not bode well when it comes to throwing toys out and boxing them away. Not only do I feel sorry for them and therefore guilty, but I always think (and this is often true) that as soon as I remove something from my immediate vicinity, I will want it again immediately.

I don’t just hoard items, I hoard emotions, too. I swear there is something wrong with me, I find it impossible to just let things go. If the stimulus is significant enough, I can hoard and mull the thoughts over and over for years. There are some things that time doesn’t heal.

I feel like a traitor for not knowing what happened to my beloved saxophone, and especially for not caring or realising at the time that it was gone. For all I know, I might have lost it. That’s a sad thought.

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From → Personal

13 Comments
  1. Michael permalink

    Nice post. Have a great weekend. !!!

  2. So sorry for your loss, but you are not alone. My garage is full of the awesomely amazing toys that I played with as a kid and could never bear to get rid of. The ones my mom didn’t dump. Which means goodbye forever, Strawberry Shortcake and Playskool McDonald’s. Thank God for ebay. I can happily recreate my own childhood through my kids.

    • I don’t think I ever permitted my mother to dump them, even the broken ones (the injured and maimed need the most love)! I can’t wait to have kids and do that ahaha :> you’re so lucky!

  3. The illustration of toys heading to the attic is just heartbreaking.

  4. When I pressed my “blogs I follow” button, I was rubbing my metaphoric hands together and was like, come on, come on (blowing on my metaphoric dice for luck) give me something goood. When I saw your post it was like the box cars hit my table. I love this post. The bubble saxaphone you feel you were not fully capable of appreciating as a youngster coming back to pay you a visit. So good. Please never stop making your posts. I love that saxaphone. It kills me to see you playing it.

    Another thing. And this is the weird part. I kid you not, a few days ago I made a foil ball and took a bunch of pictures of it on my phone. It made me late for work, but I had to create a classic symbol of hoarding. I had imagined myself diving into dumpsters looking for things others could no longer trust and found useless. The post was going to be called “The Hoarder of Doubt”. Doubt is a super easy thing to collect because most people don’t want anything to do with it. Anyway…and here you talk about the same thing, hoarding emotions.

    I don’t know what the answer to this is, or if it even needs one. Probabably doesn’t. That’s what I love about art. The process allows me to live the dream of holding on and letting go simultaneously.

    • Ah, I’m glad we’re on a similar wavelength! If I do ever see anything in someone’s skip that I could get away with taking, I do ahaha! One man’s junk is.another man’s treasure, as they say. Have you ever been to a car-boot or garage sale? Please do make that post, if you haven’t already; it’s so strange how we were both thinking of this. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with hoarding negative emotions as they make for great creative inspiration πŸ˜€ I’m so touched that you enjoy my posts, I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon :> Unless the hooded men of night get me…

  5. Mary permalink

    “Why don’t you love us anymore?” ❀
    Reminded me of Toy Story πŸ˜€

    • That part in the film always made me so sad D: the end of the third film made me cry at the cinema ahaha :<

  6. Mary permalink

    Me too πŸ˜€
    I was so desperate πŸ˜€

  7. Every toys you received it has a piece of your soul πŸ˜‰

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