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The Dog


I don’t know why any of you need to know about my pets, but I’m going to write about it anyway.

Our dog’s name is Alice. This surprised my friend who, when told, professed, ‘that’s a human name!’.* Her dog’s name is Daisy, though. Maybe the name Alice really isn’t appropriate for a canine…

We didn’t buy her from a pet shop, her mother (Scout) and father (Jasper) live on my parents’ farm:

Scout (named by me after the heroine of To Kill a Mockingbird) is a Fox Terrier crossed with a Jack Russel, she looks like a fox, really (my mother wanted to have her tail docked, but I wouldn’t let her, so Scout has a long bushy tail, just like that of a fox)! Most Fox Terriers look like teddy bears, but she really does look like a fox! She gets all woolly and huge because her coat is so strange, but literally as soon as it grows, it falls out. My mother derives great pleasure of pulling it out when she’s bored (this doesn’t hurt her, she loves it). Scout is probably one of the most intelligent dogs I’ve ever seen. I don’t know exactly what it is, but if you saw her, you’d know what I mean. She’s got a lovely temperament and is just a pleasure to have.

Jasper is just adorable, seriously. There is nothing about him that you can’t love (except perhaps his name, I wanted him to be called Snuffles because he did snuffle a lot when he was a newborn, but I guess Jasper does suit him very well), only he isn’t exactly bright (although we did recently teach him to fetch a ball, he loves doing that. Really though, he probably just thinks that he’s glad to show everyone that he is actually good for more than looking adorable). Jasper’s only real asset, as horrible as it sounds, is his cuteness. He is so endearing that we just can’t help but treat him like a baby. He is a Norfolk Terrier crossed with a Poodle.

So basically, Alice is a mixture of all of the above. She isn’t as bright as her mother, yet she’s definitely several pegs up from her father. In terms of her appearance, she is her mother but with her father’s coat.

Also, she has an orange moustache which I think is incredible.

Alice has always been incredibly shy. No-one has ever hit her or abused her, so we don’t really know why, only that she was the bottom dog of the litter and was pushed around by her siblings. It must be their fault. Despite being over a year old, she will still sometimes wee herself as a sign of submission, which is sad, and can be a little annoying when it’s on the bed sheets. We would never shout at Β her though because she’s so timid. Despite her shyness, she’s a lovely dog, very kind and loyal. I think she thinks that she’s defending the house when she barks at the postman through the window.

Alice lives with Luke and I while her parents and siblings live at the farm (my parents’ home which I recently left. It’s still home to me and always will be). Unfortunately, the two locations are more than twenty miles apart and Alice gets very carsick. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, but I always feel very sorry for her. She chucked up on me earlier today and all over herself on the way home. By the time we arrived, we both stank. Also, she had just been treated for fleas so we can’t give her a bath for a while and she still smells of vomit. Oh well, we love her as she is.

Luke and I like to play a game with Alice: we dive under the covers so that she can’t get to us and make various animal noises (I think we’re pretty good at it). She goes crazy! You can tell she loves it, she rolls and pounces all over us, her tail wagging uncontrollably all the way.

Speaking of animal noises, I really recommend that you try this: animals will genuinely respond to noises that you make at them. At least, I know this works with dogs, horses, cows and sheep. It’s a tested theory as I’ve actually done this to other people’s pets (they all think I’m weird). The horse actually surprised me the most. I was petting our horse, Dolly (I didn’t name her), and I just thought that I’d try it out. So I let out the most convincing neigh that I could muster and it genuinely worked: she reciprocated my noise with her own and it was at that moment that I knew we would be BFFs (I say that in a humourous way, I just wanted to be clear that I would never actually call anyone my ‘BFF’ or any other such initialism).

In any case, returning to the original point of the post, our dog, Alice, is great. Apart from when she licks her vagina and makes really gross noises.

*This has really been bugging me. Can anyone clear this up: when you use speech marks, unless they have specific punctuation in them, the full stop (if it is the end of the sentence) goes outside them, such as ‘here’; however, if there is specific punctuation in within the speech marks, ‘do you still place a full stop outside them?’. I’m thinking yes, but really, I would be ever so grateful if someone could ease my mind.


From → Personal

  1. I love your dogs, and your descriptions of them, the friend asking about the human name. The picture of the puke on you and Alice is priceless. And the licking. Please tell Alice to stop cleaning herself with her tongue immediately. Oliver is here in bed with me now and I just told him the same thing, though he appears incapable of changing who he is. Perhaps Alice is more flexible. Is it wrong to spoon with your dog? We started out with the crate, were very good about it, but gradually we let him sleep in our rooms, at the foot of the bed and now he actually expects to be under the covers. I come home at the end of the day and he’s pulled back the sheets and is burrowed down between my blankets, his head resting peacefully on my tempurpedic pillow.

    • I always tell her to stop it. She does – briefly – and then carries on. It really grosses me out. I don’t think it’s weird to spoon your dog at all. I don’t do it myself, but my friend who was featured in this post spoons hers. They’re always spooning ahah. He sounds adorable πŸ˜€ It’s like he’s just expecting cuddles from you all the time ahah :>

  2. So cute! I had a boxer named Ripley for 12 years and even though she was the runt of the litter she was very outgoing and friendly. In fact, she was a completely useless guard dog because she would get so excited to see ANYBODY.
    I really know about your speech mark predicament but I think yes. The full stop goes outside. If you find out for sure please let me know x

  3. hahaha
    lick lick lick.
    pretty funny!

  4. Sentimental Asylum permalink

    You sound like a really patient, loving pet-owner! I bark at my dog sometimes. She has a very strange way of reacting. She runs outside and barks, and I think it’s because she doesn’t realize the sound is coming from me. I guess I’m very convincing.

    The licking is very annoying, haha. I can completely relate.

    Love the pictures as usual!

    • Ahahahah! At first, Alice kind of looks around like ‘what’s going on, guys?’ but then she figures it out and is all like ‘ehehehe we’re playin’ a game!’ You must be a lot more convincing than I am! Yes, she sleeps next to our heads on our pillows sometimes (she’s very small) and does it right next to our ears. It’s pretty grim. Ahahah :>

  5. We had a bearded collie that got carsick his entire 13 years of life. Every single car trip.

    Punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.

  6. Punctuation in the UK is different than the US. In the US all punctuation marks at the end of a quote, go inside the quotation marks.

    Example: Jane said, “I like your post.” Jane asked, “Do you like the post?” Jane exclaimed, “I love your post!”

    Even in the middle of a sentence or with a single word, the US includes the punctuation mark within the quote. Example: If Jane said, “I like the post,” would you like it too?

    I cannot think of an example right now for the single word thing, but it is the weirdest one (I like the UK rule better).

    There is one exception to the rule which involves a question mark. It happens when you are asking a question about the quotation. Who said, “Jane likes the post” ?

    I hope I answered your question and somehow did not misunderstand what you were asking.

    I think the more important question might be, does it matter any more since we are mashing the world together at an exponential rate these days?

    And finally, btw one should never start a sentence with “and,” (yay, an example of the single word rule) I think is fun to think about everyone who has read this post being under the covers and making animal noises while their dog rolls and pounces all over them.

    I’m going to try that; my husband will probably freak out. πŸ™‚

    • Yes, that was very helpful, you answered my question completely, thank you πŸ˜€ Ah, I know you shouldn’t but apparently it’s alright if you’re writing to suit a certain register or something. Back when I studied English Language and we were analysing texts, in one of them, there was such a sentence and I pointed it out. My teacher told me it was alright (even though I’ve always been taught that it was absolutely not acceptable) so I don’t know ahah. Yes, I think a lot of people must play the dog noise game πŸ˜€ I can’t say I’m surprised as it’s so fun! Your husband probably will join in instead of freaking out ahah πŸ˜€

  7. I always enjoy your pictures and stories. You seem to be multilingual in animal languages. : )
    As to the question about the full stop, it is my understanding that you do not need the period (full stop) if there is a question mark inside or outside of the quotes. At least in American usage.

    • Well, I wouldn’t claim to be fluent in animal languages, but I definitely have the basics perfected. I mean, I think I could successfully hold a conversation ahah πŸ˜€ Yes, that seems to be the general opinion, thank you for helping!

  8. Heh, I posted about punctuation belonging inside quotation marks a few weeks ago. πŸ™‚

    I love how expressive the faces on your drawings always are. The smiles are great, but I particularly love the “ew, gross” faces in the last frame.

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