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Depressed Strawberries

02/17/2012

I still had a lot of yoghurt left that needed using up, so last night, I decided to follow Patrice’s advice and make smoothies! Unfortunately, I didn’t actually have any fruit in the house so I decided to make a trip to Tesco.

I love mangoes but I haven’t actually had one in years so I decided that mango was surely to be the base flavour for my smoothie (they’re also really difficult to draw on Paint. It looks more like a maraca but bear with me).

I actually got two for two pounds, which was cheaper than I had expected. This left me with about three pounds to spend on some other fruit:

With produce in hand, I was ready to head to the checkout. It was only by chance (when Luke decided that he wanted to buy some energy drinks or something) that my attention was drawn to the reduced section in which I came across something that I’d never seen before.

Although I much prefer fresh fruit, I do love tinned peaches and pineapples; I’m even partial to the whole fruit cocktail (in juice, not syrup). Despite my many experiences with preserved fruit, I was surprised to see tinned strawberries – reduced to only forty five pence, at that!

I was excited at this, so I rushed home, diced my mango and chopped my bananas (the oranges were somewhat more challenging but I won’t go into that).

I always have to ask Luke to open tins for me as I can’t work our tin opener and he has a way of doing it.

*

I hate our modern tin opener. I much prefer the old fashioned ones; they are much easier to work and they do a better job. Not to mention that the more modern openers are often razor sharp and dangerous. I could probably write a whole post about tin openers, but I shall restrict my rambling to this small paragraph.

What we found in the tin certainly wasn’t attractive.

The strawberries looked awful. They weren’t light, stiff and happy as normal strawberries are; they were dark in colour and flaccid. They were heavy and I supposed that if you were to drop one from significant height (about a metre and a half, perhaps), it would be unable to contain its own mass and splatter when it hit the ground (where a normal strawberry would bounce and recover with ease). Truly, a sad thing indeed.

Strawberries shouldn’t be like that; however I can’t say I’m surprised. Being contained in a tin like enclosure like that would depress anyone. Those poor strawberries never stood a chance. Regardless, I put them in my smoothies (their only hope for salvation being a merciful death), but they weren’t exactly the tastiest strawberries I’ve ever eaten.

I should add that I didn’t technically make smoothies after all. I was about to, when I was informed from an outside source (Luke’s mother) that blending fruit isn’t healthy as it releases all of their contained natural sugars (or something like that). Therefore, It turned into some sort of fruity yoghurty dessert which I was fine with.

*I hate that expression, surely it should always be ‘give it to me’ because ‘give it here‘ doesn’t really make sense grammatically – I mean, you can’t give something to an adverb, can you?

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From → Personal

35 Comments
  1. You did the right thing to those strawberries. You granted them mercy, via a quick trip to your stomach.

  2. I don’t know about not blending fruit, but when I make smoothies (or icees with seltzer!) I use frozen fruit. It’s fairly inexpensive and I like the texture.

    Canned (tinned) fruits make me sad. I make our fruit cocktail myself. So domestic, right?

    • I just googled it. Blending is fine. Juicing is what separates the sugars from the fibre. That’s when you end up with empty calories.

    • Very domestic 😀 I love homemade thing~ I’ve never actually seen frozen fruit being sold D:

  3. I spent fully 20 seconds looking at the facial expressions of each individual piece of fruit. So expressive. I wonder what’s worrying that last banana on the right. She’s kind of a Cassandra Banana. That one orange sees the suffering of those two oppressed oranges. He’s thinking about how he can help. But I don’t think the orange on top is aware he is causing those other oranges to suffer. He’s the 1% orange. Or in this case, the 20% orange. The two crushed ones are the protesters. The other one is reading about the protests in the paper but doesn’t really want to get involved since he has a life of his own, and the last orange is totally oblivious to any of this. She might also be a 1% orange, not enough information there.

    Here is a list of things in this post that remind me you are Brih-ish;
    pounds
    Tesco
    metre (both spelling and use of the measurement)
    colour
    flavour
    “tinned”/the “tin”
    pence
    … And I just know you pronounce “strawberries” with two syllables, like “straw-breeze”
    Ooh, culture. Yay, internet.

    And don’t listen to Luke’s mother. I think one can go completely ape shit over the minutiae of what is and is not healthy. You’re eating frickin’ FRUIT for cryin’ out loud. Tell Luke’s mom “Look, I’m not exactly eating marshmallows here.”

    I have made literally thousands of smoothies. And 99% of them have been the EXACT same recipe. I think it’s been almost 20 years with them. And I’m still not sick of them. Here it is, exactly four ingredients:

    One banana broken into a few pieces
    About a cup of milk
    About half a cup frozen raspberries (NOT fresh ones. the frozenocity of them is what makes the smoothie nice and cold). Other frozen berries are fine, but frozen strawbreeze take a longer time to blend up.
    A scooper or heaping spoonful of chocolate-flavored protein powder. From a health food store or just some from the grocery store is probably fine. But for me anyway, has to be chocolate.

    That’s all. I think I’ll give it a name. The Primal Scream Smoothie (TM).

    • The expressions were fun to draw 😀 The last banana on the right probably is just feeling socially awkward around all the other fruit. Ahaha indeed, the 20% orange! All this 99% stuff confuses me sometimes, especially when the 99% isn’t actually 99% and is more like 60% and then it’s like, the other 40% is divided into its own sub-genres and it all just makes my head hurt.

      I would like to point out, that even though I am Brih-ish, I do actually pronounce all my Ts; something of which I’m rather proud :> I hate the chavvy British ‘no T’ accents by which I am irritatingly surrounded. While I was writing this, I kept wanting to write, ‘canned’ instead of ‘tinned’. I don’t know why this is because I would never speak like that. I think it’d be because I know that I’m mostly writing for an American audience.

      Ahahaha I laughed about what you said about not eating marshmallows. I do love marshmallows though – especially when you put them in the microwave and they expand. I also love marshmallow fluff (I’m pretty sure they have it over there) but it’s hard to come by.

      Thanks for the recipe 😀 I’ve never actually seen frozen fruit sold here D: I just asked luke to verify this and he said he hadn’t seen it anywhere either.

      You should just open up a food business with the name of Primal Scream. Seriously, you could probably sell that applesauce if it’s as good as I hear! That’d solve the whole being laid off thing – for now, at least.

  4. Well, you got me laughing girlfriend. That chorus line of fresh fruit just killed me. I grew up with fruits having personalities, so it’s nice to see someone who still values this beloved artform. So sad about the canned strawberries…you were brave to buy them.

    • I thought they’d be a lot happier than they were. I Google Imaged ‘tinned strawberries’ and they look alright there. Google is clearly a liar – a fabricator! There’s this show that Luke’s younger brother and sister watch sometimes (they’re only four and five) and it’s about potatoes (personified, of course). I love watching them sing and dance around. When I was a child, I had this book called [insert name here that I can’t recall] the Crab Apple and it was all personified, too.

      I was also just reminded of The Munch Bunch. They only had books when I was younger but now I think they have their own TV series and everything. Fruit is the best.

  5. lol! Had a run in with those kinds of strawberries myself once, quite nasty!!!!!

    • Yeah D: They weren’t the best things to eat. I’m not usually grossed out by foods but when they were in my mouth I was just like eeeeeueuuuuuuuuu they’re so… unnatural…

      • I got a can of something called jack fruit one day. The brand name was… now get this… ‘Cock on top of the mountain.’ needless to say they were just awful! lol

  6. If I ask nicely, would you do an entire post on tin-openers? Pretty please?

  7. MLB has the same issue with tin-openers. I have to open them for her. Love the drawing of the citric acid to the eye. Honestly, I could just look at your art and accompanying clever wit for quite some time, if I had time. Great job, O!

    • I just don’t understand why the tin opener people had to make their models so ridiculous. Simple is better, in my opinion. Ahaha I wouldn’t say that my writing had any sort of ‘clever wit’ in it at all, but if you think so, I’m very glad for the compliment! Thank you :>. If only we all had more time :< (I actually probably have more time than most so I can't really complain ahah)

  8. SaptarshiC permalink

    That’s one helluva mango you’ve drawn there. And you did the right thing euthanizing the strawberries. Poor things those.

    • Poor things indeed! I’m glad you liked the mango; I agonised over it. I was going to do it on Photoshop so that I could blend the colours like on a real mango, but then I thought that it wouldn’t match the ‘style’. It’d be cool if you could shake mangoes and they made noises like maracas… :>

  9. The strawberries art is my favorite. I actually feel sorry for misshapen fruit and feel I should buy it because it’ll be like the kid who gets picked last for dodgeball. Delightful post.

    • Yes, I feel sorry for them too, but maybe if no-one buys them, then the strawberry people (in this case, John West who I thought only did tuna and salmon – evidently not) will stop mutilating them. Then everyone wins 😀

  10. eldinsmille permalink

    those strawberries – mhm!

  11. eldinsmille permalink

    (it supposed to sound angry)
    (:

    • Ahaha it didn’t sound angry :> It sounded like you thought that they actually sounded appealing! Ahahahaha P.S I should have those chapters done for you tomorrow; I’ve been swamped the past couple of days!

      • eldinsmille permalink

        “c`mon!”
        you have all the time in the world.
        i told you already!

  12. Your pictures are delightful and I enjoyed the story. At that price, I can understand why you would buy the strawberries. You seemed to like the smoothie/fruity yoghurty dessert. Let’s hope you ever canned those poor strawberries gets their just deserts. 🙂

    • Not you ever, but who ever. Whatever. I wish WordPress would let us correct our mistakes on comments.

      • I wish WordPress would let us correct in comments, too D: Or even remove them. I hope they get their just desserts, too ;)!

  13. eldinsmille permalink

    where are you???????????????

  14. Wait a second….

    I think it’s very interesting that to indicate someone who has just gotten acid in the eye you chose to have them recite the row of letters on the second row of the keyboard in order. I never knew that’s what that sequence of letters meant. What does ZXCVBNM mean?

  15. ??? TWO MONTHS?! Where the heck are you?

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